Emergency workers report that the damage from Valentine’s Day is worse than previously projected. They describe bodies strewn upon the ground, covered in glitter and paper cupids. Entire buildings collapsed, leaving only rubble and chalky candy hearts. And of course, there is the sad fate of those chosen to be another person’s Valentine. Little can be said to help the families of those unfortunates except that the process is, while exactly as ghastly and excruciating as feared, apparently not as horribly slow and drawn-out as it appears to outside observers.
As usual, no aid has come our way from either the state or national government. The state house even went so far as to send a formal reply, the entirety of which reads, ‘Sorry. We can see what you were going for, but maybe we just don’t get that kind of thing. Anyway, creative stuff! And have a happy Valentine’s.’
If you or anyone you know has any footage of photos of the events of Valentine’s Day, please send them directly into the station, so that we may put the images and video on the radio. Thank you, and be safe.