17.6 – Valentine

The City Council recently moved to name dance as the official town language. This measure has been met with tense debate and raised voices over the past several weeks. Proponents say we need a unified language, as it will save money on municipal signage and documentation, not to mention bring us together as a community. ‘The poetry of the human body,’ they said, while quickly pulling in their elbows and turning their bowler hats down over their eyes in an obvious tribute to Bob Fosse, ‘mates physical being with mental necessity, a marriage that brings purpose to our quickly rotting living corpses.’

Opponents say that this move, if voted into law, is discriminatory against the physically handicapped. Also, less than 10% of Night Vale citizens have ever taken a single dance lesson, let alone achieved lifelong mastery of one of the most ethereal and difficult to grasp art forms. One opponent, who wished to remain nameless out of fear of retribution, told us that the bill was entirely funded by lobbyists from Cheryl’s Little Princesses Dance Studio. ‘Just follow the money,’ they said. Then the anonymous insider’s pupils grew until they eclipsed the whites. Their tongue slid out from their knife-gash of a grin, and their hair would not stop greying, and growing.

A final vote is expected on Tuesday.

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