11.13 – Wheat & Wheat By-Products

Ladies and gentlemen, I take you from an unreal disaster to an un-unreal one.

It is my sad duty now to announce that the City Council is officially putting Night Vale under an emergency state due to the ongoing and life-threatening wheat and wheat by-products situation.

The council states that anyone who has come into contact with wheat and wheat by-products, and has by some happy miracle survived, should consider themselves infected, and proceed to the usual quarantine area just behind the playground in Mission Grove Park, there to spend the rest of their days in quiet contemplation and weaving.

Everyone else should head immediately to the Wheat And Wheat By-Products Shelter that has been sitting unused for decades under the Public Library.

When asked why a Wheat And Wheat By-Products Shelter already existed, the City Council answered simply: “Prophecy.”

May you all be safe. May you all be well. May you be strong and flexible, with ruddy cheeks and legs like tree trunks.

And now, the weather.

[“Cigarette Burns Forever” by Adam Green. Find out more about the music at adamgreen.info.]

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