And finally, some good news! All wheat and wheat by-products have mysteriously vanished from Night Vale, and the City Council promises that they will be gone forever.
This scourge, this siege upon us, this salvo of food-based warfare is finally over.
Never more will we be threatened in our homes by this enemy, or its by-products.
We also will never eat bread again, and that’s a pretty big bummer.
But this is the balance that must be made between what we desire and what we fear. Between pain and pleasure. Between wheat, dear listeners, and its by-products.
Many of you are huddled now and forever in the quarantine behind the playground in Mission Grove Park. For this community-minded sacrifice, we thank you.
I know you were forced there by martial law, but still, you should be commended for your brave actions.
Terminal quarantine might seem scary now, but I understand they have a well-stocked supply of canned lentils and the Silver Screen edition of Trivial Pursuit.
And of course, you have the radio. I hope you will let my dulcet voice and our humble community station into your ears and hearts until your final wheat-loving breath.
Dear listeners, stay tuned next for a live broadcast of a man locked in a recording booth silently staring at the microphone with intense suspicion.
And as always, since always, and for always, good night, Night Vale, good night.