8.6 – The Lights In Radon Canyon

New billboards have appeared all over town, bearing the image of a turkey sandwich and the single word HARLOT in large block letters. These billboards have caused some confusion, both due to their ambiguous message and to the fact that the entire structure of the billboards materialized overnight in places billboards are not usually constructed, such as the living rooms of local homes, the middle of busy thoroughfares— causing multiple car accidents— and, in one case, directly through a living dog, who has not appeared harmed by the addition to his body, and has carried the entire billboard around town while going about his usual canine business.

The Department of Health & Human Services recently claimed responsibility for the billboards, saying that they were part of a campaign to promote nutrition and healthy living among children. The original draft of the release also mentioned something about an offering to a long-dead god, but this was altered to “fun, active lifestyles are important for kids of all ages” in a subsequent addendum.

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