Friends, listeners, there’s a real tarantula problem here in Night Vale. Many residents have called in to report that illiteracy, unwanted pregnancy, and violent crime are on the rise in the tarantula communities. Animal Control is addressing these concerns through afterschool programs called “Teach A Spider To Read— Stop The Madness!” Those interested in volunteering should stand in their bathtubs and weep until it is all gone. Nothing left. You can let go now. Let go. Shh… let go.