4.3 – PTA Meeting

It’s election season again, and you know what that means. Sheriff’s Secret Police will be coming by to collect certain family members so that everyone votes for the correct Council seats, and there’s no confusion. These family members will be held in a secure and undisclosed location, which everyone knows is the abandoned mine shaft outside of town.

But don’t let the name fool you, listeners. It’s been used for years for so many kidnappings and illegal detentions that the abandoned mine shaft outside of town is actually a pretty nice location these days, featuring king-size beds, free wi-fi, and HBO. Also, torture cubicles, but I don’t think anyone’s going to make the Council use those. Remember, this is America! Vote correctly, or never see your loved ones again. This message brought to you by the City Council.

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8.10 – The Lights In Radon Canyon

Exciting news about the abandoned mine shaft outside of town, where people who vote incorrectly are taken by the Secret Police. HBO On Demand will be made available to prisoners during their indefinite detention. All your favorite shows, such as The Wire, Sex and the City, and even new hits like Game Of Thrones will be available in every cell. Additionally, the Secret Police announced they will be randomly executing one prisoner a day until all incorrect votes are corrected.

9.12 – “PYRAMID”

Well, listeners, it seems the pyramid has disappeared as mysteriously and suddenly as it arrived. Too late, I’m afraid, for the Flaky-Os board of directors, who have all been taken to the abandoned mine shaft outside of town for processing by the City Council.

The Sheriff’s Secret Police are declaring victory in their stand-off against the pyramid because they say it’s about time they won something.

Meanwhile, the pyramid has left behind a much tinier pyramid. A mere souvenir of its looming, inscrutable mass. This tiny pyramid is broadcasting one final message, a farewell from the geometric shape that stole our hearts. So, let us wrap up our show today with its words.

Somewhere there is a map, and on that map is Earth, and attached to Earth is an arrow that says your name and lists your lifespan. Some of you die standing. Others sitting. Many of you die in cars. I can never die. It is difficult for me to understand the concept that I am attempting to convey. I cannot show you this vision, but you may imagine it. Step forward and tell someone of it, please.

You heard it here, folks. Tell people. Tell people about Flaky-Os’ new line of cereals for nighttime only. Do it in memory of its board of directors.

Stay tuned now for an hour of dead air, with the occasional hiss and crackle. Speaking of the nighttime, I truly hope you have a good one, Night Vale. Good night.