In other news, the Randy Newman Memorial Night Vale Airport has announced some schedule changes due to multiple severe weather conditions, including the existence of an atmosphere, and that strange fiery orb that appears for approximately half of every twenty-four hour period. Many of today’s flights will be delayed for several hours while the rest will be moved into the past and will have already happened last week. All arriving flights have been cancelled except for those from JFK, LAX, and XTA, which will continue on the usual routine of unscheduled arrivals which are a complete surprise to both the pilots and Air Traffic Control, based on routes that appear to violate the simple laws of physics and geography.
In addition, Martin McCaffrey, local TSA representative, reminded all travelers that security measures are in place for their own safety, and we should respect the sacrifice needed to keep our lives and our country secure. Martin said, ‘I know going through both a metal and full-body scanner, as well as crawling through a lengthy pitch-black tunnel while a recording of a monotone male voice lists possible ways of dying are all inconveniences. And I know that many travelers are concerned with privacy issues involving the voice of a small child that comes through strategically placed ceiling grates asking them to name every person they have ever kissed, but these are all necessary evils.’
Mr. McCaffrey then went on to draw a sketch of a strange, elongated, dark figure crawling out of a kitchen refrigerator, after which he immediately insisted he had no memory of creating the picture and no idea what it could mean. More on this eventually, probably.