5.2 – The Shape In Grove Park

Local historians are protesting the removal of the Shape In Grove Park that no one acknowledges or speaks about. While their protest has been hampered by the fact that none of them will acknowledge or speak about it, they did, through a system of gestures and grimaces, convey the message that, whatever the Shape is, and whatever its effect on nearby neighborhoods, it is a Night Vale landmark, and should be protected. The Shape itself offered no comment, only a low moaning and gelatinous quiver.

The City Council would not provide any reason for the removal, but did say that any work in Grove Park was making way for a new swingset, picnic area, and bloodstone circle, which we all can agree are good contributions to the community.

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7.8 – History Week

The results of a recent survey of Night Vale residents came to light this week. The study found widespread dissatisfaction with our town’s Public Library, and when considering the facts, it’s easy to see why. The public computers for internet use are outdated and slow. The lending period of 14 days is not nearly long enough to read lengthier books, given the busy schedules of all our lives. The fatality rate is also well above the national average for public libraries.

The library bloodstone circle does not appear to have seen any maintenance or cleaning in some time. There are reports of a faceless specter moving about the biography section, picking off lone browsers one by one. And that biography section, by the way, is far too small and has been oddly curated, containing 33 copies of the official biography of Helen Hunt, and no other books. From top to bottom, the Public Library is a disgrace to our fair city, and I can only hope our City Council does something about that soon, or I may find myself hoping that the faceless specter puts the library to the same mysterious, violent end as its many victims.

11.4 – Wheat & Wheat By-Products

The City Council today issued a strong warning against the manufacture and sale of discount bloodstones. They say that these bloodstones of inferior design and construction have the potential to cause major accidents in even common day-to-day chanting rituals.

These accidents have included in just the past few months: locust swarms, pus tornados, and the creation and subsequent obliteration of a mirror version of Night Vale, forcing all of us to watch our identical counterparts perish, and thus confront the inevitability of our own futures.

Anyone caught selling these bloodstones will be put into the Dark Box, pending erasure from recorded history.

The lesser charge of buying or possessing them will be met with mere summary execution.

Critics charge that the City Council is lying about all of this, due to the fact that the council owns the only certified bloodstone factory in town. But the Council has vehemently denied this charge by gibbering, howling, and knocking over microphones.