7.11 – History Week

Let’s return to another key moment in Night Vale history.

The year 1943. As part of the war effort, Night Vale citizens dedicated themselves to chanting. The young, the old, men and women alike gathered around their bloodstones and chanted for the victory of the United States. While some credit must be given to the strategic planning of U.S. Command and to the brave fighting of American soldiers, most reputable scholars believe that Night Vale’s chanting was the deciding factor in America’s eventual victory over the Axis powers. The City Council erected a seven-story monument in Grove Park saying so in large, neon letters, until a federal lawsuit forced them to take it down.

And now, a word from our sponsors. That word is carp.

8.9 – The Lights In Radon Canyon

And now, a word from our sponsor.

Step into your nearest Subway restaurant today, and try their new 6-inch mashed potato sub. Top it with a delicious assortment of fresh vegetables, like french fries and Nutella. They’ll even toast or poach it for you.

There are several Subway locations in Night Vale, all easily accessible through witchcraft and chanting. And between now and November 30, buy nine reverse colonics, and get a free 40-ounce soda or freshly baked tobacco cookie.

Subway: Devour Your Own Empty Heart.

16.3 – The Phone Call

The Sheriff’s Secret Police is issuing an urgent message to all citizens. ATTENTION ALL CITIZENS. Memorize this list. Memorize it now. It will not now, nor ever, be repeated. Memorize this now for your safety and protection. We cannot tell you when or where you will need to know it, but when you do, you will be safe. Here is the list. Memorize… NOW.

  • hazelnut
  • mystify
  • cuttlefish
  • lark
  • lurk
  • Robert
  • Anglican
  • pheromone halter-top marmalade hardware laser pepper release kneecap falafel period chase chaste leggings wool sweater heartbeat heartbeat heart beat
  • heart
  • …beat
  • beat
  • beat
  • beat
  • beat

Memorize that list, citizens! In order. Secret Police warn that if you miss even one word, or transpose a couple of worlds like ‘lurk’ and ‘lark’, there could be unpleasant consequences. This has been a special announcement from the Sheriff’s Secret Police.