We have a very unexpected treat today, dear listeners: live, in the studio, we have one of the mysterious hooded figures often seen around town. We did not actually invite him here, he just was waiting for us when we unlocked the studio this morning. He has not moved nor spoken since then, and I’ll be honest, I am only guessing that he is a “he,” because physical attributes are hard to determine under these robes, and the face is entirely hidden in shadow as empty and as black as the void of space.
But hey, we’re doing radio— he’s in a radio station— let’s see if we can get an interview. Mr. Hooded Figure, how are you doing today?
Okay. Care to comment on the recent expansion of the forbidden dog park?
Any comments at all? Anything you’d like to tell the ordinary folk of Night Vale about your organization?
[Interference intensifies further.]
Listeners, I’m sure you can hear this. It’s not a problem with your radio or our transmitters. The hooded figure is making those noises in our studio.
[Cecil speaks loudly over interference.]
It’s pretty deafening, actually. All right… I don’t think he’s going to stop, and he’s started to levitate, so… let’s go to the weather.
Ladies and gentlemen, I must say that I am not a cat person, but I have really grown to love Khoshekh, the stray cat that has made his home here at the radio station. I discovered Khoshekh several weeks ago, hovering in a fixed location in the men’s bathroom, and he’s remained there ever since. The men at the station, of course, have taken to keeping the sink at a light trickle, so he can get water, and we even take turns buying Science Diet low-calorie cat food. It turns out little Khoshekh is getting a bit chubby, since he can’t actually exercise in his unmovable, levitating state.
Oh, and thanks to our new intern, Brad, we finally solved the litter problem. Brad is very excellent at both carpentry and dark magic. So, he rigged us up a fine-looking litterbox that our floating feline friend can reach. He’s just adorable, that cat.
As a lifelong dog lover, I’ve really turned the corner. Khoshekh is wonderful. I know several others here at the station who feel the same way. After meeting Khoshekh, Michaela, who works in sales, put her three-year-old Weimaraner to sleep and then adopted six tabby kittens— she’s that much of a convert. Make sure to take some cute videos, Michaela.
And for others of you interested in getting a new cat, the Night Vale SPCA strongly recommends that you have your cat spayed or neutered, bring them in for their shots, and, once the cat reaches eighteen months, begin using the little beast to harvest human organs for those “just in case” moments. The SPCA has several one-sheets on preventing heartworms, and using pets to grow small replacement organs. To get your copy, go online, or simply make up your own informative facts.