3.3 – Station Management

The Night Vale Business Association is proud to announce the new Night Vale Stadium! Next to the Night Vale Harbor & Waterfront Recreation area, the stadium will be able to seat 50,000 but will be closed all nights of the year except November 10, for the annual Parade Of The Mysterious Hooded Figures— in which all of our favorite ominous hooded figures, one that lurks under the slide in the Night Vale Elementary playground, the ones that meet regularly in the dog park, and the one that will occasionally openly steal babies and, for reasons no one can understand, we all stand by and let him do it… all of them will be parading proudly through Night Vale Stadium.

I tell you, with these new facilities, it promises to be quite a spectacle! And then it promises to be a vast, dark, and echoing space for the other meaningless 364 days of the year.

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14.7 – The Man In The Tan Jacket

The Night Vale Daily Journal has announced that, despite cost-cutting measures and mandatory subscription laws, it is facing a huge budget shortfall this year.

“We cannot pay back our printers, or our delivery crews,” said editor Leann Hart, in a prepared statement whispered through my mail slot late last night. “And we have already had to banish much of our staff into the sand wastes of the desert.”

She went on to explain that this ‘budget shortfall’ has nothing to do with the reported lavish birthday party she threw for herself in Night Vale Stadium, featuring a lazy river made entirely of champagne, and a birthday cake topped with very thin slices of moon rock. In an addendum she tapped in Morse code on my bathroom window, she said that the Journal is considering all new sources of income, including creating additional advertising space and mugging Night Vale citizens, and that I shouldn’t mention the whole birthday party thing after all… because she was never even born, so how could she have had a birthday party? She spent the rest of the night tapping out the phrase ‘Birthdays are a fake idea,’ which actually was a pretty relaxing sound to fall asleep to.