12.10 – The Candidate

The Night Vale mall is having to deal with angry calls from parents, after the Santa they hired for Christmas photos was once again a no-show.

Mall public relations officials said that the missing Santa is actually a performance art piece, meant to show people how our capitalist idols are truly non-existent, ghosts of materialistic ideas that we have embraced as replacements for true spiritual meaning.  A long line of upset parents and crying children stretched from Santa’s empty chair to just past the Hollister.

The mall PR officials added that they have a really cool idea for Valentine’s Day.  They’re thinking, like, moving pictures of actual beating hearts projected onto a large teddy bear, which has been stretched open like a vivisected frog from seventh grade life science?  Officials added, “It’s going to be monstrous and beautiful.  You don’t even know what art really is.  You don’t even know yourself.”  They concluded by chanting and pumping their arms in unison, like a lower, Paleolithic version of the YMCA dance.

And now… the weather.

[“Like Brightness” by Anais Mitchell. This episode’s weather can be found at anaismitchell.com.]

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