6.11 – The Drawbridge

Good news for radio-controlled airplane hobbyists. Those unidentifiable black metallic trees that suddenly appeared by the library back in June and caused all airborne objects above thirty feet to catch fire— well, they’ve finally been cleared away, as a new strip mall and parking lot are being developed.

The Night Vale Airport, local birdwatchers, and that nice epileptic couple who run the Emergency Services helicopter are just pleased as pleased can be about the news. Several petitions, however, have cropped up from neighborhood improvement organizations. Juanita Jefferson, head of one such organization, Night Vale Or Nothing, said, “Treeees. They are us.” Jefferson then paused for several minutes without blinking and whispered again, “Treeees,” before collapsing into tears and loud moaning. Jefferson was then taken by helicopter to Night Vale General Hospital, where she is reportedly in stable condition. This morning, Jefferson’s lawyer issued a statement saying, “My client fully recognizes the irony of this helicopter trip, but she stands by her earlier pronouncement, ‘Trees, trees, they are us.’”

Meanwhile, I hear from trustworthy informants that there will be a Pinkberry at the new strip mall. Delicious!

10.4 – Feral Dogs

We just received word from Wayne Tyler, assistant shift manager at the new Pinkberry, that the pack of feral dogs was seen this morning rooting around in the dumpsters behind the library. They made off with some discarded Chinese takeout containers, a rusty futon frame, and two homeless men, likely to become henchpeople to the wild dogs. If you are near the library, be warned that these dogs are dangerous. Also, be warned that penalties for overdue books has skyrocketed to fifty cents per day, and after thirty days, jaw mutilation.