Hello, citizens of Night Vale. I bring you now to our ongoing coverage of the Valentine’s Day aftermath. Emergency workers have been at it since early this morning, starting the long task of cleanup and recovery. Reports are still hazy, but we believe that the housing developments of Marshall’s Gorge and Golden Dunes have both been wiped completely off the map, while Coyote Corners and Cactus Bloom are reporting extensive damage to structures and power lines.
Please, if you are not directly involved in the recovery and cleanup from Valentine’s Day, stay off the roads to make room for those who are. This Valentine’s Day, as all Valentine’s Days, will not succeed in bringing our city down. This Valentine’s Day, as all Valentine’s Days, will soon recede into painful memory, fading with time, until another foul Valentine’s Day is upon us again.
Emergency workers report that the damage from Valentine’s Day is worse than previously projected. They describe bodies strewn upon the ground, covered in glitter and paper cupids. Entire buildings collapsed, leaving only rubble and chalky candy hearts. And of course, there is the sad fate of those chosen to be another person’s Valentine. Little can be said to help the families of those unfortunates except that the process is, while exactly as ghastly and excruciating as feared, apparently not as horribly slow and drawn-out as it appears to outside observers.
As usual, no aid has come our way from either the state or national government. The state house even went so far as to send a formal reply, the entirety of which reads, ‘Sorry. We can see what you were going for, but maybe we just don’t get that kind of thing. Anyway, creative stuff! And have a happy Valentine’s.’
If you or anyone you know has any footage of photos of the events of Valentine’s Day, please send them directly into the station, so that we may put the images and video on the radio. Thank you, and be safe.