Hello, listeners. To start things off, I’ve been asked to read this brief notice. The City Council announces the opening of a new dog park at the corner of Earl and Sommerset near the Ralph’s.
They would like to remind everyone that dogs are not allowed in the dog park. People are not allowed in the dog park. It is possible you will see hooded figures in the dog park. Do not approach them. Do not approach the dog park. The fence is electrified and highly dangerous. Try not to look at the dog park, and especially do not look for any period of time at the hooded figures. The dog park will not harm you.
And now a message from our sponsor.
Tired of your home? Sick of comfort? Come to the hole in the vacant lot out back of the Ralph’s, and huddle with us. Who are we? Good question. Come to the hole in the vacant lot out back of the Ralph’s, and huddle with us.
Why do we want you to come? Why did we spend money for this air time? We understand you are confused. But— hole. Vacant lot. Ralph’s. Huddle. Us.
For the low, low price. Act today. Or tomorrow. Not Wednesday. Wednesday is no good for us. Anyway, we’re almost out of air time, so just come on down to the hole in the vacant lot out back of the Ralph’s, and huddle with us. Or else.