The City Council today issued a strong warning against the manufacture and sale of discount bloodstones. They say that these bloodstones of inferior design and construction have the potential to cause major accidents in even common day-to-day chanting rituals.
These accidents have included in just the past few months: locust swarms, pus tornados, and the creation and subsequent obliteration of a mirror version of Night Vale, forcing all of us to watch our identical counterparts perish, and thus confront the inevitability of our own futures.
Anyone caught selling these bloodstones will be put into the Dark Box, pending erasure from recorded history.
The lesser charge of buying or possessing them will be met with mere summary execution.
Critics charge that the City Council is lying about all of this, due to the fact that the council owns the only certified bloodstone factory in town. But the Council has vehemently denied this charge by gibbering, howling, and knocking over microphones.
A reminder to all Night Vale citizens that the annual Sorrow Songs Sing-a-long is this Thursday. There will be a potluck lunch and the softball team will be selling refreshments to fund things that each of them individually want to buy for themselves.
Anyone who has their own sorrow song they’d like to add to our communal vocal malaise should submit it to City Hall by Tuesday at the latest. Remember that low moans and minor-key chants do not count.
The composer of the best Sorrow Song, as indicated by our audience participatory Weep-O-Meter, will be ritualistically drowned in a pool of our own townspeople’s tears. Good luck!
The Sheriff’s Secret Police is issuing an urgent message to all citizens. ATTENTION ALL CITIZENS. Memorize this list. Memorize it now. It will not now, nor ever, be repeated. Memorize this now for your safety and protection. We cannot tell you when or where you will need to know it, but when you do, you will be safe. Here is the list. Memorize… NOW.
- pheromone halter-top marmalade hardware laser pepper release kneecap falafel period chase chaste leggings wool sweater heartbeat heartbeat heart beat
Memorize that list, citizens! In order. Secret Police warn that if you miss even one word, or transpose a couple of worlds like ‘lurk’ and ‘lark’, there could be unpleasant consequences. This has been a special announcement from the Sheriff’s Secret Police.