9.5 – “PYRAMID”

Ladies and gentlemen, I must say that I am not a cat person, but I have really grown to love Khoshekh, the stray cat that has made his home here at the radio station. I discovered Khoshekh several weeks ago, hovering in a fixed location in the men’s bathroom, and he’s remained there ever since. The men at the station, of course, have taken to keeping the sink at a light trickle, so he can get water, and we even take turns buying Science Diet low-calorie cat food. It turns out little Khoshekh is getting a bit chubby, since he can’t actually exercise in his unmovable, levitating state.

Oh, and thanks to our new intern, Brad, we finally solved the litter problem. Brad is very excellent at both carpentry and dark magic. So, he rigged us up a fine-looking litterbox that our floating feline friend can reach. He’s just adorable, that cat.

As a lifelong dog lover, I’ve really turned the corner. Khoshekh is wonderful. I know several others here at the station who feel the same way. After meeting Khoshekh, Michaela, who works in sales, put her three-year-old Weimaraner to sleep and then adopted six tabby kittens— she’s that much of a convert. Make sure to take some cute videos, Michaela.

And for others of you interested in getting a new cat, the Night Vale SPCA strongly recommends that you have your cat spayed or neutered, bring them in for their shots, and, once the cat reaches eighteen months, begin using the little beast to harvest human organs for those “just in case” moments. The SPCA has several one-sheets on preventing heartworms, and using pets to grow small replacement organs. To get your copy, go online, or simply make up your own informative facts.

Advertisements

10.11 – Feral Dogs

This just in: two more schoolchildren were attacked by the wild dogs this morning near the playground at Night Vale Elementary School. One of the boys was taken to Night Vale General with treatable leg injuries. The other boy, we understand, was unharmed, because he was a better boy, and more loved by the angels.

We’ve also received confirmation that a handful of mangy curs broke into the Senior Center, stole their televisions, and made the internet stop working. This has gotten out of hand, ladies and gentlemen. We simply cannot live in fear for our safety because of wild dogs.

Allow me a brief editorial here, if you would. First off: please, have your pets fixed. It’s an inexpensive and quick process. You can take your dog or cat to the Night Vale SPCA, to your local veterinarian, or to Big Rico’s Pizza. Rico studies taxidermy as a hobby, so he’s happy to help out in whatever way he can.

Second, many of these dog packs are formed by dogs that are not raised to be loved, but bred to fight. Trainers are teaching these dogs everything from jujitsu to kickboxing to knifework. This is simply unacceptable. Dogfighting is illegal, cruel to animals, and a danger to society when these dogs are untethered.

But we are a strong, united community here in Night Vale. We must stand up to violence. Our town was founded by peace-loving imperialist conquerors who, to escape taxation, overwhelmed a potentially violent race of indigenous people and founded this beautiful city on principles of family, fortitude, fence-building, and friendly propaganda. Let’s not forget our long-standing town motto: “We have nothing to fear except ourselves— we are unholy, awful people. Fear ourselves with silence. Look down, Night Vale. Look down, and forget what you’ve done.” That is the motto of a determined, unified community.

And now, the weather.

[“I Know This” by Rachel Kann.]