Hey, sports fans! Assuming we’re all still here after today, it’s time for baseball season! This Saturday is the minor league home opener for the Night Vale Spiderwolves. They’ll be taking on bitter rivals, the Desert Bluffs Sunbeams. The Spiderwolves are fielding a very young but promising pitching staff this year. Fans are especially excited to see twenty-year-old hometown hero Treyvon Murphy get his first chance in the starting rotation. Murphy graduated Night Vale High School two years ago and immediately joined the Spiderwolves, just after they discovered that he could use his telepathic powers to cripple batters emotionally, often sending them into weeks-long slumps and fits of crying, even while playing in the field.
The Sunbeams have some changes in their team as well. This off-season, they got a new owner and a new manager, because they’re terrible. Just terrible. Who even cares?