The Night Vale Tourism Board’s “Visitable Night Vale” campaign has kicked off with posters encouraging folks to take their family on a scenery-filled jaunt through the trails of Radon Canyon. Their slogan? “The View is Literally Breathtaking!” Posters will be placed at police stations and frozen yogurt shops in nearby towns, along with promotional giveaways of plastic sheeting and rebreathers.
And now, the news.
The Night Vale Tourism Board asks that whoever is telepathically assaulting the tourists please stop. According to the Night Vale Tourism Board executive director Madeline LaFleur, there were two separate incidents in one week of entire tour buses suddenly shrieking in unbridled terror and trying to blind themselves using rolled-up Visitable Night Vale brochures, all to the utter confusion of the bus drivers. LaFleur added, “We just had those brochures printed.”
LaFleur claims that tourism accounts for tens of thousands of dollars annually for Night Vale, and the town prides itself on hospitality. She said that if good-hearted families travel to Night Vale only to find their subconscious minds besieged with unforgettable revelations, horrors buried so deep as to be completely indescribable, revealing wholly unbearable new truths, then we certainly can’t expect these people to return, let alone leave good Yelp ratings for local businesses.
The city is asking residents for help in determining who or what is causing these psychological infractions. The Tourism Board is offering puppies as a reward for information on this case. Or even if you don’t have information, the city asks that you come get a puppy or two anyway. Seriously, downtown municipal offices are overrun with them. In the trees, walls, carpentry— the exterminators are completely stymied by this infestation. Please help.