Listeners, we’ve just learned that the drawbridge construction site has been hit by graffiti vandals. The Sheriff’s Secret Police suspect the feral dog pack to be responsible for the giant, spray-painted lettering along the bridge scaffolding that reads GOLD STANDARD IS OUR STANDARD and READ YOUR CONSTITUTION. There was also a very elaborately painted portrait of Alexander Hamilton wearing Groucho Marx nose glasses, and a caption that reads FEDERALIST PAPERS, but where FEDERALIST is crossed out, and TOILET is written in red. Actually, you should see this. It’s truly stunning. All that with spray paint. I’m impressed. These guys are really good artists.
Nevertheless, these dogs are possibly armed, and possibly rabid. They are definitely libertarian street artists, and that has police and city officials working double-time to solve this problem. If you have any tips that could lead to the capture of this roving band of dogs, please, keep them to yourself. We’ve also received word that they have tapped your phone and computers, so best not leave the house or talk loudly.