Representatives from the greater medical insurance community announced this week that major insurance providers would no longer cover government-disseminated illnesses.
These ailments were created to control undesirable populations, and include: AIDS, most cancers, irritable bowel syndrome, telekinesis, tingling, and any kind of food allergy.
Doctors advised that the best way to avoid acquiring any of these conditions is to limit questionable public activities, try not to be in a lower economic class, and give regularly to an approved religious organization.
Take these precautions and you should live a healthy, or at least medically insured, life.
In other health news, the Night Vale Council for Commerce reminds you to regularly consume wheat and wheat by-products.
By doing so, you are directly supporting the local Night Vale farmer, as well as the local Night Vale commodities conglomerates.
Looking for a snack? Try wheat or a wheat by-product.
Dinner? Wheat and/or its by-products.
Trying to patch a leaky roof? We have just the thing for you, and we also have its by-products.
Wheat and wheat by-products: by Americans, for Americans, in Americans, watching Americans.