We received a press release this morning. The Night Vale Business Association is proud to announce the opening of the brand new Night Vale Harbor and Waterfront Recreation Area.
I’ve been to these facilities myself recently on their invitation and I can tell you that it is absolutely top of the line and beautiful. Sturdy docking areas made from eco-friendly post-consumer material. A boardwalk for pedestrians. And plenty of stands ready for local food vendors and merchants to turn into a bustling public marketplace.
Now, there is some concern about the fact that, given we are in the middle of a desert, there is no actual water at the waterfront. And that is a definite drawback, I agree. For instance, the boardwalk is currently overlooking sagebrush and rocks. The Business Association did not provide any specific remedies for this problem, but they assured me that the new harbor would be a big boost to Night Vale nonetheless.
Maybe wait until a flash flood and head down there for the full waterfront experience.
The Night Vale Business Association is proud to announce the new Night Vale Stadium! Next to the Night Vale Harbor & Waterfront Recreation area, the stadium will be able to seat 50,000 but will be closed all nights of the year except November 10, for the annual Parade Of The Mysterious Hooded Figures— in which all of our favorite ominous hooded figures, one that lurks under the slide in the Night Vale Elementary playground, the ones that meet regularly in the dog park, and the one that will occasionally openly steal babies and, for reasons no one can understand, we all stand by and let him do it… all of them will be parading proudly through Night Vale Stadium.
I tell you, with these new facilities, it promises to be quite a spectacle! And then it promises to be a vast, dark, and echoing space for the other meaningless 364 days of the year.
The Night Vale Business Association announced today that the Night Vale Harbor & Waterfront Recreation Area was not actually something that ever existed in reality, but was instead a shared hallucination of the entire town’s population. As such, they are proud to declare that they have never suffered any sort of disastrous business failure, and the reportedly massive amounts of money lost on building waterfront facilities in a desert are fabrications of our collective consciousness. They recommend consulting your dream interpretation manuals to determine exactly what this Night Vale Harbor vision could mean.
They also said that if you happen to stumble on the waterfront buildings out in the desert, exactly where you remembered them, and they seem completely real, standing as vacant and useless as the day they were built, that’s because you are still hallucinating and should seek medical treatment immediately— or have a member of the City Council howl at you, if you are of the Olden Faith and do not believe in modern medicine.
Happy New Year, Night Vale! Last night’s fireworks extravaganza at the Night Vale Harbor and Waterfront Recreation Area was beautiful. This is despite the fact that the Night Vale Harbor and Waterfront Recreation Area never really existed, and was in no way a multi-million dollar failure of municipal planning. And just because the only things remaining on the premises are several large piles of rubble and a red sign reading “NOTHING IS HERE. NOTHING WAS EVER HERE” does not mean that they failed to correctly use tax dollars to build a harbor, a waterfront, or a recreation area. Anyway, the fireworks over the city-made sign were lovely. Happy 2013.