6.9 – The Drawbridge

And now, a word from our sponsors.

[Cecil wordlessly groans for several seconds.]

And now, traffic.

There’s a stalled car on the northbound on-ramp to the Eastern Expressway just south of Route 800. Commuters should have little delays, as highway patrol is fiercely denying this report. In fact, police representatives have just issued a statement claiming that there are no cars anywhere, and, “What are you doing, talking about them, talking silly lies? You silly people. There are no cars! What is this fiction? Oh, please, did you seriously believe for a second–? Wait, wait, you thought that cars were real?” The highway patrol continued, “Oh, that is rich.”

All other roads seem clear. Expect delays, of course, at the drawbridge construction site, because it is years away from being competently finished.

15.10 – Street Cleaning Day

And now… traffic.

Southbound HOV lanes of Route 800 near Exit 15 have large, glowing arrows. Drive over the arrows and get a boost in speed. Save time and gas and get your high-occupancy vehicle to work on time.

There’s a stalled car at the downtown off-ramp of Eastern Expressway. Tow trucks are on the scene to euthanize the vehicle and chase away scavenging vermin.

There are several accidents to report. In fact, infinite accidents. Everything is an accident. Or at least, let us hope so.

This has been traffic.