10.9 – Feral Dogs

A reminder to anyone looking for fun on a budget today in Night Vale: it’s free admission day at the Night Vale Museum Of Forbidden Technologies. As always, the museum features many fascinating permanent exhibits, including the cheap, pollution-free source of energy created by Nikola Tesla, multiple time machines, some of them not yet invented, and pocket calculators, which were outlawed by the City Council 22 years ago for undisclosed reasons. Along with that, there is a temporary exhibit displaying the many different exciting and extremely dangerous uses for lasers.

Be sure to splurge on the guidebook at the museum store, as the exhibits themselves are entirely shrouded with thick burlap at all times, and all explanatory plaques have been blacked out with permanent marker. The Museum of Forbidden Technologies: If You Don’t Know About It, We May Or May Not Have It.

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14.8 – The Man In The Tan Jacket

Hey, kids and parents! Time once again for our Children’s Fun Fact Science Corner! Today, we are exploring common birds and their meanings. An eagle indicates that an important phone call is impending. A sparrow says that you should beware the sea, and sell any stocks invested in food-based companies. A pigeon means that your mother has died, or that all is well. It’s a bit uncertain. A hummingbird tells us that the physical constants of the universe are slowly degrading, and may someday shift, invalidating the laws of physics and instantly wiping out the universe as we know it while simultaneously creating an entirely new universe in a single transcendent moment of genocide and genesis. As for hawks, well. No one knows what hawks mean, or if they are real. Have you ever even seen a hawk? Of course not. No one has.

This has been our Children’s Fun Fact Science Corner!

16.10 – The Phone Call

Well, I just got off the phone with Carlos, listeners, and we have a date! Tomorrow afternoon. It’s just coffee, but maybe it’s more! Maybe lots more. Who knows? You know, they always say if you’re trying to meet someone, you may never find them, but it’s when you’re not looking, that’s when they find you. I’ve always heard this in reference to government agents, but I think it applies to dating as well.

Carlos did want me to ask if anyone has ever actually seen the Night Vale clock tower. I told him that it was invisible, and always teleporting, and that’s why he can’t ever see it. I mean, that seems sort of obvious. …Okay. That was unfair. Carlos is a very smart man, and I shouldn’t roll my eyes just because he doesn’t comprehend basic architecture. He obviously has a lot of other intriguing interests, though, like clock making! And seismology! And who knows what else. Oh, happy day, listeners! Thanks for listening, and for helping me through this! I’m so very excited.